Take Time to Splash in the Puddles...
Beginnings and Endings...
I have been promising an update for a little too long now, and then not making time to actually write one.
I donít really know how to start this, so Iím just going to type and see what comes out.
Official diagnoses... Stage 2 Ovarian Cancer. Although expected, a diagnosis not easy to hear.
Even writing those words... "Ovarian Cancer" feels very disconnected from me as a person.
And yet I am going to have to find a way to accept it and go on. Sometimes, you just have
to go on. The prognoses? If all goes well and the cancer hasn't or doesn't spread...
Maybe 5 years at best. So that's that!
I will die from Cancer, or from complications there of.
I've been struggling with the idea. Trying to figure out how to live the rest of my life.
How far I want to go with treatment? I guess the last one is something I will have to decide
when the time comes.
So for now, the plan is... Surgery again in December and soon after,
more chemo. By the time this round of chemo is over I will have been ill for nearly 3 years.
I just canít comprehend it. I feel like Iím living in some sort of time warp, I really donít
know where the time has gone. The last 2 years have been a blur of waiting rooms,
appointments, treatments and tests. The first time around I felt so determined to get
through it, but this time I feel like I need to summon some energy reserves, and Iím
not quite sure where from at the moment.
I'm not giving up or giving in, just coming to terms with what my future holds,
and start addressing the tasks ahead of me.
I will be here less and less in the coming weeks, so I won't able to look at all of
your new works or answer your messages in a timely manner. I will however be checking
in on you from time to time. Hell, somebody has to watch over you crazy people.
I cant begin to tell you how much pleasure it gives me getting to know each of you a
little more each day. Every one of you mean so much to me, and you are all truly wonderful
and talented individuals! Once things settle down, I will be back more regularly.
So until then...
I love you all! Keep me in your thoughts and your hearts,
and I will keep you in mine.
Me & C... Coping With Cancer
Some of you know my story, some of you may not.
So for those that are interested or curious here it is...
On November 17th, 2005, I walked away for last time from my abusive marriage.
My daughter and I left with just the clothes on our backs, but with hope in our hearts.
I had a job I loved, we had found a place to stay, and were putting the pieces of our lives
back together. Then in August 2006 after my yearly exam, my Dr. called and said I had cervical cancer.
Ok, I can deal with this. It's only stage one. I was sent to an oncologist, and after some tests,
they discovered that I also had uterine cancer. We scheduled the surgery, a partial hysterectomy,
which went well, and I was sent home 2 days later. I had to have monthly check up's for the next year,
but all seemed fine. I returned to work shortly after the surgery. At the time I was a director for
an exclusive art gallery in Denver. Work seemed to keep getting harder and harder for me to
keep up with, no more 12-14 hour days, I could barely make it through eight. I was tired all time.
I just didn't feel like my old self. In June 2007, the call came. Cancer cells had returned.
My second bout in less than a year. I was let go from my job, because I wouldn't be able to fulfill
my duties... more or less look the part. No medical insurance, no job, and no clue on
what to do next.
Thus began my second battle with cancer. theartistdarklady.deviantart.c…
In December of 2007, after 5 months of hanging on by just a thread, I was granted
my social security and medicare benefits. That has made our lives a little bit easier.
We were finally able to get a little place of our own. In April of 2008 my divorce
was finalized. 2 wonderful little stray puppies wandered into our lives,
bringing smiles, love and much happiness with them. My youngest daughter
will be graduating from high school early 2009, and starting college in the spring.
And here we are... Full circle, again.
In short... that's my story! It not meant to be sad... It just is what is.
Life can be messy at times or full of joy.... I hope this gives someone a new view on living
each day to the fullest. To cherish every second of every minute spent with friends or family,
and to remember to laugh, and to love.
My Bucket List
"The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon,
but that we wait so long to begin it." -- Anonymous
I thought I would share my list of things that I would like to do,
dream of doing, before my time is up.
See my youngest daughter graduate from college
See both my daughters get married
I want to live to see my grandchildren born, hold them,
get to know them and watch them grow.
I would love to see the Northern Lights dance in the sky
I would love to visit Venice during Carnival and ride on a gondola through the canals
of the beautiful city of Italy.
Dance in the streets of Paris
Walk on the beach once more along the Oregon Coast
Write a letter to everyone whom I love
Make a difference in someones life
Forgive my parents
Grow the most beautiful flower garden ever
To actually meet many of my friends here on DA
Learn how to swim (donít laugh)
Visit Disney World with my daughters
Get another tattoo
Get a DD (again..don't laugh)
Open a small art gallery or perhaps a coffee shop
See New Hampshire, Vermont and Main in the fall
Perhaps more to follow... With each day something new may enter my mind,
so there may be a new item to place on my List. I know some may seem silly,
and some will never be accomplished, but oddly enough it does give me some
feeling of hope, something to strive for. If I check something off, I'll write
a bit about what happened, how it happened, etc.
I'd like to thank everyone who visits my gallery, favorites my work,
leaves such wonderful comments and for your continued support!
Forgive me if I can't always thank you all personally, and I ask to please understand,
but know it helps me so much to get through every day...
And know you have my sincerest thanks and appreciation!